maybe jesus is telling you to rest.

i either have allergies, or a cold. i'm not really sure which. according to the internet, there are multiple overlapping symptoms and the best way to know the difference is by how long the symptoms last.

so basically, you won't know what it was until it's gone, which is all very unhelpful in terms of right now. because how am i supposed to know what to do?

in my case, the lines weren't as fuzzy. i wasn't able to babysit, and i don't blame the mom of a two month old for wanting to play it safe. it's not like i could've just sucked it up or pretended i was okay or convinced everyone it is just allergies. cold or no cold, the symptoms are there.

i texted my friend tab to complain and feel sorry for myself. it's frustrating that i got sick on the day i actually had work. it's frustrating because it felt like god was absent. in the past month i've watched him shrink a tumor the size of an orange down to the size of a nickel, and yet i'm still suffering from minor cold symptoms preventing me from earning money and paying rent next month?

so what now? i thought. do i win the lottery? how am i supposed to pay for things?

"maybe jesus is telling you to rest," she texted back.

as if i haven't been resting enough during all these days i've been unemployed.

but then, i haven't been. not really. every day i've gone without a job, i've spent looking and applying. i haven't stopped moving. being unemployed isn't going to slow me down. i wrote about that, on my first day. i set an alarm because, it's not saturday; i'm unemployed.

to be honest, i don't understand my situation or what i'm supposed to be doing. i keep guessing, and guessing wrong. but i do know that god isn't confused and he doesn't need my help. he needs me to be still. because sometimes (a lot of times), you won't have answers in the midst of a situation. sometimes, you won't know what's happening until it's already happened. and that's okay. you do what you can with what you have and what you know.

sometimes, you just need to rest.