last day.

i have always known this day would come sooner than later. they were waiting for an open spot in daycare and needed someone to fill in the gap. i stepped in.

in some ways, it was helpful to know. in the office finale, andy bernard says, "i wish there was a way to know you're in 'the good old days' before you've actually left them." i got to know. i was able to spent every day of the past year or so soaking up all the baby snuggles and belly laughs, while also preparing myself because this won't last forever.

in other ways, it doesn't make a difference. i drove to work this morning, just like i always do, knowing it would be for the last time. and yet, i know that when i wake up on monday morning and don't make that drive, it will feel strange and abrupt. even when i know it's coming, change is still an awkward to navigate. goodbye is still goodbye. walking away is still a hard thing to do.

i am both ready for what's next and not ready to let go.

i wrote this when he turned one, but it has been such a joy, and so much fun, to spend each day with him. to grow with him, to learn with him. to look back and see how we got here together.

i will forever be grateful for this "yes" after months and months of "no," for the way he took "the mondays" out of mondays, for every day of these good old days.