i don't think i can do this.

I once heard Sleeping At Last say something like, every time he sits down to write another song, he’s not sure he can do it. Even though it’s literally what he does for a living. It doesn’t matter how many times he’s written songs before, it’s a new experience every time.

First of all, that feels super freeing because I feel that. Every week.

But also? I love basically everything he releases. So to hear that he sits down and starts at zero, knowing that the end result always feels like such a gift to me, is a reminder that this part is true for me too.

It might be true that I sit down to a blank page and wonder how I’ll fill it with anything meaningful, but it’s also true that what it turns out to be will feel like a gift to someone else.

I can do this. Every week.

But here’s the thing. It’s not because what I have is super meaningful, it’s because God meets me in the notes app. Every. Time. Even if it’s in the eleventh hour on Thursday morning. (Which to be honest, at this point, it usually is.)

Fear tries to tell me I can’t do it, that I don’t have what it takes, and that God won’t show up. And I wait until the last possible minute because what if that’s true?

It’s not. I know it’s not. But still.

I finally sit down and learn it all over again. Not just that God is good, but He isn’t petty. He doesn’t turn away from me because I’ve been acting ridiculous all week. He has so much grace for me as I learn how to do this better.

People often casually throw out the reminder that God is always with you, but those words don’t seem weighty enough to me. What I’ve learned to be true is that He’s not just there, He’s waiting for you. Waiting for you to see that He’s there, acknowledge Him, and look to Him. That’s when miracles can happen.

God can’t move through you if you’re not open to Him.

And when you are, He doesn’t make you feel bad for being late or for how long it took you to catch on. He doesn’t waste time on that. He’s just ready to go.

Every time I sit down to write, the words pour out. Not because I’m so great at writing but because He’s here and He has been waiting for me to show up. It doesn’t matter how long it took me or how many times I forget what’s true, He’s ready.

The power of God is in you, even on a Thursday.